Monday, January 28, 2008

Friday, January 25, 2008

Barry Feelings

Barry Feelings sat in the observation deck of Stashe Force HQ, as was his job denotation, watching and noting the ongoing activities of "in-field" Force members.

He was dumbfounded. In complete shock.

On the jumbotron before him a small war raged between the Stash Force crew and a large company of Peruvian witch doctors, playfully known as the 100 Man Itch. Somewhere far beneath the blood savage lands of South America, The Force was winning, but paying a heavy toll. Bilge Texico had his right eye turned into a salamander and Falco Lee was scurrying about in the shape of a potbellied pig. It was not for those of weaker constitution.

However, this was not what was troubling Barry. Years of safely watching Stash Force take on countless insidious plots had steeled him to perverse sights such as these. He had hardened both his vision and his soul against the torments of witnessing one of his teamate's eyeballs go scurrying into the gutter. The observation deck had provided Barry with little over two decades worth of "in-field tactical training".

No. Tonight it was the letter, crumpled in Barry's hand that he found the most unbelievable. He unfurled it one more time and began reading...

...and there you had it. They didn't call is Stash Force for nothing.

Years of preperation, training and dedication all dependent on a little 5 o'clock shadow. He had hoped that turning 30 might excite Old Lady Nature into giving him some scruff; but by then Stash Force doctors had confirmed what his genetics were already telling him: facial hair simply wasn't in the cards. And therefore, no 'in-field' service. Peachfuzz till the day he dies...sitting at the helm of his 'out-of-service' post. Once again, Barry balled the rejection notice up and tossed it into a wastebasket. He slumped into his chair and scratched his non-existent mustache. Terrific.

At the sametime, deep in the womb of some primitive land, a well-mustached hero named Bildge Texico captured his runaway eye...

...and about 3 mintues later, Barry began questioning his future with Stash Force.


Names For Days...

While I could send this blog into overload with the number of Stache Force hero names we have laying around, I'll play it safe and do them in weekly installments.
Read on, if you dare do such a thing as read...on...

Flex “the Ballpeen” Bullchest
Chad Ballast
Flex “The Buise” Glorystein
Flex “NailGun” Redline
Flex “Dragon Toes” Pilestocks
Flex “Gunwhaler” Capbrauner
Plex “9-lives” Cobra
Flex “The Eraser” Geyser-rash
Rex “Detroit” Bolderash
Rex “Beef Knot” Rexoff
Rex “Gary Busey” Spiteneck
Rex “Rex” Spitshine
Rex “Horseradish” Saucey
Knife “Clutch” Hungwell
Wrench “Moose Knuckle” Fireball
French Blowhard
Stab Poodles
Church Drownings
Doc Bottleneck
Kirk Farmslope
Simpleton Sinclair
Lance Bunion
Roc Slaughterhouse
Beef Chow
Clip Nostril
Trapper Spittoon
Manfred Chest Hair
Racist O’Hoolihan
Sport Killzone
Clem H’Ourdourves
Russia McScotland
Prince Paddington
Chet Chestington
Scruff Carbunkles
Byron Whiskeyport
Cattle Swineheard
Fayln McO’Carbomb
Bowser Bucklethorpe
Ass Napkin
Rip Torn
Clam O’Flaninahan
Clark Razerburn
Bart Gunchest
Criminal O’Villian
Lips McFlintlock


the mustache melter



CoonCap McFleur

snowjob splosive